America's Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, calls out Mormons and schools all Americans on the unconstitutional craze of doling out civil rights by popular vote: Hark! From sea to rising sea, crafty Christians are busy putting the "tut" -- and "con" --back in "Constitution"! From California to Maine, referenda ruffians are using the blunt fury of the ballot box to make sure that gays go to bed each night without protection -- Equal Protection! Because using touch-screen popularity contests against a minority is like stealing the Fourteenth Amendment from a baby! While many of my brethren on the Right have a fetish for those wig-wearing, Christ-denying deist nancy-boys and their pesky Bill of Rights. To me, the true Founding Fathers of America -- and the role models for all Conservative Christians -- were those prickly Puritans! Not only did they know how to work a belt bucket on a hat, they discovered the fun trick to democracy: All you need is the slightest majority -- and you get to waterboard a witch! The more timid Founding Fathers created a republic instead of democracy because they thought allowing citizens to vote on individual rights was a really stupid idea. But you know what they call a really stupid idea that's also a really popular one? A law! So which witch should we teabaggin' Puritans burn next? Here's a hint: What's the one thing religious people hate more than anything? War? Greed? Other people having fun? Wrong! The correct answer is: Other religions <b>...</b>
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